My Aunts

I have heard the phrase, "Friends are the family you choose" a lot - and as I understand it, this means something like: Thank goodness I can choose my own friends so I'm not stuck with these weirdos I happen to be related to. I thought that a lot more than I care to admit, until I grew out of my teenage years and became the fully enlightened, mature, and humbled adult I am today. Friends are great, but if hadn't been "stuck" with the family I have, I probably never would have chosen most of the best people I know. Specifically I'm talking about a few of my aunts.*

 Anna:

• When I was 8 years old Anna and my aunt Sarah (my mom's sister who is the same age) took me on my first sleepover adventure. They took me to Hires for a hamburger, so even if the evening had stopped right there, I would have felt like I'd died and gone to Heaven. But we also went bowling, where we all had fun bowling names (I think mine was something like Bacon Bowling Babe?), and then we went toilet-papering with all their friends. We were caught, but one of their boyfriends helped me hide in the grass so we didn't have to help clean up. That was the greatest night of my life to that point, and still the best sleepover I ever had. 
• Anna taught me to play Nerts well enough to beat mere mortals, even so I sometimes think I'm pretty good. But I'm not good enough to beat Anna, the aunt we lovingly refer to as the "Nerts Nazi." Despite the fact that she's really talented at Nerts, and almost everything else, she never feels the need to make other people feel bad. After a particularly painful loss in a family tournament she didn't feel the need to rub it in, but immediately acknowledged how close the game was and how well everyone did. 
• When I was in Elementary School people often told me that I looked like Anna, and I was always so proud to be associated with her. She probably one of the straightest-arrows I know, in the best way possible. She does the right things for the right reasons without making anyone else feel bad for doing things a different (usually less-right) way. 

Emmy:

• I visited her in Washington D.C. at age 9 and I still remember the roast beef dinner she made. 
• If you were in a room with Mother Theresa and Emmy, Emmy would be the first to express love and admiration. She has nothing but kind things to say and is always thrilled to see me. In fact, sometimes she seems so happy about the prospect of seeing me that I'm sure I can't live up to the hype. But she always makes me feel like I'm worth being excited about, regardless of how interesting and exciting I may actually be. Sometimes people who are really nice and positive can seem a little fake, but Emmy is always completely authentic. She's not just wearing rose-colored glasses or saying what people want to hear. She just focuses on the positive and doesn't seem to care about people's flaws, no matter how glaring they may be. 
• Emmy listens really well. She doesn't feel the need to jump into a conversation to get in her two-cents or share her own experiences. She listens intently to everyone, whether it's my six year-old cousin or my 91 year-old grandpa and engages with them in a way that makes them feel important. 

Katie:

• I've been to stay with Katie in Cincinnati two times and in both cases I have very vivid memories of the food she served. It wasn't that it was gourmet or fancy, but it was fresh and delicious and the way everyone gathered around to eat and enjoy made mealtimes so fun. 
• Katie is a consistently great conversationalist.  I remember going to a family gathering at my grandma's house one Sunday when I was in Elementary School and pulling up a chair to the grown-up table rather than going outside to play with my cousins, all so I could listen to the conversation because Katie was in town.  Since then I've enjoyed being part of so many conversations with Katie that lasted for hours, without having a clue of how much time is passing. In the long row of beach chairs at our annual family Newport trip, a spot to next to Katie is a coveted one because she doesn't just spew interesting conversation herself. She pulls interesting-ness out of everyone around her. Even the less-talkative ones in the group feel at ease and are drawn into conversation when Katie is around. 
• It's really common for conversations that revolve around people, and the most interesting conversations usually do, to turn into judgmental gossip sessions. However, Katie manages to talk about people's differences and difficulties in a way that is interesting but not judgmental. She is quick to compliment people on their strengths and clearly wants the best for everyone. 

Ruth:

• When I was young and my parents would go out of town periodically I always felt stressed and upset after a few days of being at home with a babysitter. My parents called Ruth several times to come rescue me for a few hours. She had her own kids at home and plenty of other responsibilities but she never made me feel like a burden and I was always completely thrilled just to be spending time with her and her family. During one of my parents' trips she even attended my 5th grade spelling bee. When I was eliminated on the word "sovereign" (still can't spell it without spellcheck), simply said, "Sovereign...what a stupid word," and turned what could have been an embarrassing incident into a really fond memory. 
• When I was 14 and in a terribly emotional argument with my dad about attending our Stake Youth Conference, I begged him to call Ruth because I just KNEW she would be on my side and understand why I shouldn't have to go. (I should note that my dad was pretty understanding of the fact that I was new to the Ward and hadn't been camping before and was really worried about having to live in the woods for three days with strangers.) My dad reached out to Ruth and she told both of us that she thought it was a good idea for me to go - and I felt totally betrayed. I sent her a dramatic email about how I was probably just going to run away and live in a park, since that couldn't be any worse than camping with strangers. Rather than rolling her eyes at my typical teenage behavior she apologized to me and sympathized with me and explained why she thought that doing hard things was important. I went to Youth Conference, and it was actually pretty awful, but I still appreciated the way Ruth treated me.
• Ruth and I go to dinner about once a month. I so look forward to those dinners because I know I can share anything with her and still come away feeling supported and loved. 

Due to the age differences and geographical spread, and the fact that I am generally just not on their level, I probably wouldn't have had a chance to make them my "chosen" family (friends), so I'm really grateful to be stuck with them. 

These women are the standard to which I aspire. Even at times where I lack self-respect or feel ashamed and unworthy of their gene pool, they have never even once made me feel less than loved and a part of their "in" crowd. They're fun and interesting, and I'm always better for having spent time with them. 


*If this post seems a little braggy and makes you jealous, that's because it is and if you don't have aunts like this you should be jealous.

Utah vs. BYU

Disclaimer: This has nothing to do with sports.

I'm in the middle of my third semester at the U, finishing the Philosophy degree I started at the Y. This is the list of things I've noticed (so far) that work a little differently at each school:

	At BYU	At the U
Choosing a seat:	It was all about keeping a low profile (in the back) and having the most comfortable chair.	It’s all about avoiding lung cancer. Just trying not to sit next to classmates with secondhand smoke wafting off of them.
Religious Questions from Classmates or Professors:	"Which of the prominent ethical theories matches best with the teachings of the Book of Mormon?" Note: My answer is Ethical Egoism.	“Is anyone familiar with modern Mormon theology as it relates to the consumption of chocolate covered espresso beans?" Also, “Do Mormons allow BLANK?” Note: Blank usually refers to various sexual terms which, I admit, I usually have to look up on Urban Dictionary. Now I know that a good rule of thumb for any future questions - if I have to look something up on Urban Dictionary, the answer as it relates to Mormon values is probably, "Ummmm...no."
Parking:	Bad. Parking tickets galore!	Bad. I couldn’t get a parking ticket if I wanted to because there aren’t even any illegal parking spots available!
Talking to Professors:	It can be a little awkward to refer to a professor as “Brother Smith.”	It’s EXTREMELY awkward to refer to a professor as “Brother” anything. Bad mistake. Way worse than calling your elementary school teacher "Mom."
The Weekends:	80’s dancing, country dancing, going to the “hot pots,” hiking the Y. And I was the weird one who never did that stuff.	Almost a year of interacting with other students without even ONE reference to 80’s dancing, country dancing, hot pots, or hiking any letter of the alphabet, Y or U.
Inspiration:	“I was reading D&C 84 last night and...”	“I was a little loaded last night and..."
Caffeine on Campus:	“I’m going over to the gas station between classes for a Mountain Dew run…you need any?”	“This latte is from the little deli in the Humanities building, but I like the ones made in the MFA café better.”
Appearance		Tattoos, and piercings and beards…oh my!

Note: I did not intend to convey a preference for either school in this post. If I failed...well maybe I can't help it.

David

Well...I miss David. Part of the issue could be that I've been bedridden all day with what I'm sure is the Black Plague, or at the very least severe and  deadly pneumonia. Being sickly and in bed could add to the depression I'm experiencing from last night's traumatic farewell, but David is the kind of guy who really leaves a hole when he's gone. 

David is, of course, not perfect in every way, but he's perfect in just about every way that matters. He's nice, and just plain caring. He always looks out for the underdog. 

He's smart, though in our family he maybe doesn't get as much credit for that as he deserves. He's fully, 100% committed to the gospel, not because he's supposed to be but because he truly believes at his core. Peer pressure doesn't affect him because he's confident in what he believes and who he is. He's sweet, and even though he is capable of losing his temper (only West child to ever be suspended from school), the guilt he feels afterwards makes it impossible to be upset with him. He's the best sibling in our family and has a positive, personal relationship with all five of the rest of us, and my parents. 

On that note, a more personal note, David has always made a real effort with me. I am single and live alone - I like my independence but sometimes I need help and David has always been there. He brought me a drill at 11:00pm when I was having serious issues replacing the lock on my front door. He came back the next night (20 minute drive one way) to help me lift a heavy package into my house. He accompanied me various places when I couldn't make myself go alone. Don't get me wrong, I bought him a lot of dinners to thank him. 

Something I can never really thank him for is how he always made me feel welcome within our family. My family is great, across the board, but sometimes I haven't been the most liked member, largely due to my own grumpiness or impatience. David never lets me get in the way of being part of the family, no matter how much I might resist. 

I could go on, believe it or not, but the bottom line is that David is just a guy you just want to have around. That's why not having him around for two years is really, really hard. For now I'll share him with the people he'll meet over the next two years because other people probably deserve to get to know him too. 

What Amazon Says About My Life

Today I was thinking about what I have to offer the blogosphere by way of an update on my life. I don't have husbands or children to take pictures of, or to take pictures of me (oh darn). The pictures I do have look like this:

So instead, I'm going to provide a glimpse at my life as seen through the purchase recommendations I receive from the likes of Amazon, Groupon, etc.

Recommendation #1) The Little Mermaid (Two-Disc Platinum Edition) courtesy of Amazon. Fun fact about me, I really enjoy classic Disney movies and have been gathering DVDs for my collection. In this case however, I did not spring for the DVD....I'm not willing to pay $36 even if it is a special edition.

Recommendation #2) Catit Design Sense Grass Garden Kit . I have cats. Sometimes I buy them dumb stuff, Amazon knows it, and they're doing a great job getting me to buy even more. 

Recommendation #3) Pelikan 12 Color Opaque Watercolor Set courtesy of Amazon. No I have not taken up painting in my spare time. I wasn't actually sure why this was recommended but Amazon has this handy "Why recommended?" button, so I clicked on it and discovered that when you buy a popular psychology/self-improvement book, you must also be interested in painting. 

Recommendation #4) The Abolition of Man by C.S. Lewis courtesy of Amazon. I'd like to say I've been doing some philosophical/intellectual reading as of late but I haven't. I had the best of intentions when I bought five other C.S. Lewis books but I keep going back to books like The Da Vinci Code and Bossypants. 

Recommendation #5) Carpet cleaning courtesy of Groupon. They recommended this to me because I had purchased a Groupon for carpet cleaning in the past. You would think, since I already had my carpet cleaned, I wouldn't need another one...but you would be wrong. I have a cat with what I affectionately call "separation anxiety" but in actuality is probably just an issue of laziness. Whenever I am upstairs this cat refuses to go downstairs to use the litter box. Instead he chooses to use my sock drawer or my suitcase or just some corner of the carpet. So I need my carpets cleaned, again. 

Recommendation #6) Love courtesy of eHarmony, Match, ChristianMingle, and more! I dabbled in online dating but am currently on hiatus...what's astonishing is how many matches they suddenly have for me. Apparently by not participating in online dating, you become irresistible to online daters. If I'd known this I would have quit months ago. 

Consider yourself up-to-date. I like movies designed for young children but am too cheap to pay for platinum editions. I have cats. I buy self-help books and apparently ought to take up painting, or some other similar hobby. I read bourgeois books but aspire to greater literature choices. My carpets need to be cleaned because my cat won't leave my side. And finally....what you didn't need me to tell you, I am missing out on having that special someone in my life. 

If you're thinking about what Christmas present to get me I would be happy to send you the rest of my Amazon recommendations, they seem to be spot on.

Depression

I have issues with Depression. I'm not embarrassed to say this (anymore) but at the same time it's very hard to talk about. I think many people can share their experience after they feel like they're out of it, which I am not. Or some people like to share how they're feeling when they're in the depths of it, which I am not.  I'm somewhere in the middle and still figuring out how to figure it out. 

It may be hard for me to talk about because I apparently have a "limited emotional vocabulary". I'm an "isolator", an "introvert", and "in a bad way." I have days of real "darkness" and "despair" and I have days of "relief". These are all terms that get thrown around in the land of "mental illness" so it's easy to use them to describe what is going on without really saying anything about what's really going on. I don't intend to say anything terribly personal about it here, other than Depression is a bummer, I don't particularly care for it, but I've learned a lot about myself through the process. 

I've learned that I'm apparently "emotionally constipated" and that if my therapist were to draw me as a stick figure (which she has done on multiple occasions) I would have a very large, overdeveloped head with a tiny, weak undernourished heart/chest region. (I would have thought this setup prevented all that "feelings" stuff from getting in the way but apparently that's not how it works)

 I've learned that ignoring emotions doesn't make them go away, and that it isn't normal to be extremely uncomfortable and want to run out of the room when someone starts crying.

 I've learned that I have an extreme and irrational fear of looking stupid, which is why I appear perfect to all of you, all the time.

 I've learned that sitting on a couch with both parents talking to a therapist about feelings might just be one of the most unpleasant experiences a human can have.

 I've learned that fish tanks, TV series, Groupon deals, and takeout food are not the answers, but that cats, sunshine, Mamma Mia (the movie with Meryl Streep), and a nice little cocktail of medications...those help. 

Groupon Addiction

If you haven't tried Groupon or sites like it.....you've got to start! Here are just a few examples of how I've benefited:

• Cutlery - Well of course I don't have enough cutlery, how could I say no? (I now have at least 6 forks and 12 knives that have never been used - they just sit in the drawer and never make it into the rotation. Don't seem to have this problem with spoons.)
• Vitamins - Everyone always says I should take vitamins and now's my chance! Never mind the fact that they taste like alfalfa and I tried one and threw the rest out. It was a bargain so I really didn't waste money - only $40 when it should have been $80!
• Watch - I was thinking I might possibly need a watch and hey - 50% off! I've worn it once in a year but again, it was a deal so that's ok.
• Vietnamese/Mexican Fusion Cuisine - Oh that restaurant sounds good - I know it's 30 minutes away and I may not know anyone interested in this particular kind of fusion. But of course I'll come up with a reason to get there - it's such a great deal.
• Games - I love games, I'm sure I'll want to buy one soon so why not get a discount.
• Camelbak backpack - I was just on a hike the other day and envying someone's camelback - now I can have one of my own for the 2.3 hikes I take per year.
• Contact lenses (yes it really did get this bad) - I have to squint to read small print far away lately, so I bet I'll be needing some sort of vision help. I need to take advantage of this deal now for when I have to get them for real.* ** *** ****

*Note: You can't just buy lenses without a prescription. 
**Note 2: You need to find an eye doctor to check your vision - the little chart in the hall of the doctor'a office is not enough. 
***Note 3: If I were to need vision help, I'd have to go with glasses - I tried sticking something in my eye and it did not work. 
****Note 4: Upon trying some glasses on, I discover my ears are lopsided - now on the lookout for a Groupon for ear-adjusting plastic surgery

The Library Missing from My Genes

As I go through life, I realize more and more all the things I don't know. Some of this is normal, but what I'm talking about in this case are things that seem to be inherently obvious to most around me (women specifically) but somehow did not make it into my genetic code. My first thought when I don't know something is to Google it....but I think I need more than search results or wikipedia here. I need books, large volumes, and probably a tutor to go with them. If anyone knows of books like these, please let me know:

• Matching for Dummies - Beyond the black shoe/brown belt faux pax. 
• The Vocabulary of Hair - Speak the language of the Salon!
• Love The Burn - Making running your life's passion
• For me, in the case of running this is probably a more reasonable title: Lessons in Performing - how to make everyone think running is your favorite hobby
• Purses Explained.
• Walking Made Easy? No Thanks: How evolution took the fun out of trying to walk upright and how high heels bring it back
• The People You Meet in Your Dreams or Sleepwear Selection - you thought it was about comfort?
• The Big Book of Terms You Should Know Before Using and/or Questions You Should Never Ask a Stranger - Vulva, Dipstick, and more!

I'm sure there are millions more titles to put on my list...but I think these six would be a good start.