Parker - The Deficiency

For those of you who don't know, I bought a car about six months ago. His name is Parker, he's a great little vehicle. (For more on Parker, click here). However, recently Parker and I have experienced some deficiencies and blow-outs in our relationship.

The first was back in January. On my way back from the airport Parker's oil light came on. I had heard horror stories about driving without oil so I called my parents in a panic and was told to go to a has station and get some oil, as though this was the most obvious solution in the world. I was not enthused. For as long as I can remember, I have always wanted to make enough money to ensure that I wouldn't have to know about cars. I have fluxuated in my desires to be wealthy, but I have always wanted to have enough to pay other people to take car of all car-related issues.

Unfortunately, I couldn't buy my way out of this particular situation. I pulled into a Chevron station in Salt Lake and, after gathering myself, went in to buy some oil. I went to the section of oil, and to my chagrin, there were about a dozen different kinds. I figured that I had a simple car (Parker is a Honda Accord) so I could just get the simplest/cheapest kind of oil. As I was paying for the oil, I worked up my courage and asked the boy (he could not have been more than 18) if he knew anything about putting oil in cars. He said he didn't, but that his co-worker (can't remember his name but I think it was something like Ralph) definitely did. He pointed to the bathroom and indicated that he would be out in a minute.

So, apparently this whole idea of fixing my own car had flustered me to the point of losing my sense of social decency. For some reason I thought it would be a great idea to go over and wait outside the bathroom for Ralph to come out. He was a little surprised by my close proximity to the door, apparently I was so close that he thought I was just confused about the little standing man icon on the door and said, "This is actually the men's room." After I sorted out that confusion and explained my awkwardness he was very nice and followed me out to my car. I went to put my wallet down in my car and he said, "Can you pop the hood?" I said, "Sure, is it stuck or something?" and promptly went to the front of the car and tried to help him lift it up. He said, "Oh uh...I just meant could you hit the button to pop the hood..."

I walked back to the front seat to attempt to find the hood-popping button, all the while feeling like a complete moron who stalked people while they were in the bathroom and assumed that a 30+ year-old man would need MY help because he wasn't strong enough to lift up the hood of a car. Oy! Thankfully Ralph was very patient and after two minutes of me pressing the trunk button, the gas tank button, and pulling some plastic piece off the inside of my car, we finally got the hood up.

Not only did Ralph help me put oil in my car, he took real interest in me and tried to educate me so that in the future, I would be a little more self-sufficient. He asked me if I knew how to check the level of oil in my car, I said, "Oh, my car has a light that tells me when it's low." He didn't even roll his eyes when he said, "Right, but we need to know how much you have so we know how much to put in. So you pull out your dipstick and check...." I'm afraid I didn't hear the rest of what he said because I was using all of my powers of concentration to keep from laughing. I was unsuccessful. On his second use of the word 'dipstick' I giggled uncontrollably. He laughed and just said, "I think one quart of oil will do fine. Do you have a funnel?"

I stared blankly back and he said, "We have them inside, they're free, you can just go ask for one." The rest of the process went fairly smoothly. He got me a different bottle of oil, because apparently just assuming that simple/cheap cars get simple/cheap oil is incorrect. He poured it in, threw away the empty container and used funnel, and asked me if there was anything else I needed. I almost made it out with a very enthusiastic, but graceful expression of gratitude. But not quite.

When he was about to go inside I asked one last stupid question, "Should I turn it on to make sure it works?" He said, "Uh..sure." I turned the car on while he watched and after seeing the dashboard I said, "I think we must need more, the light is still on. Should I go get another bottle, or should we do two just to be safe?" He then explained to me that the light was just not reset, and all I had to do was to check the owner's manual to see how to reset the light. I thanked him again and went on my merry way. I felt bad for not doing something for him. But do you tip a friendly gas station attendant? I'm not very savvy about tipping protocol. But I didn't want to risk insulting him, especially since I only had one dollar....

Stay tuned for upcoming posts 'Parker and I Seek Help from a Mechanic" and "The Big Blowout".