Monday, November 4, 2013

What Amazon Says About My Life

Today I was thinking about what I have to offer the blogosphere by way of an update on my life. I don't have husbands or children to take pictures of, or to take pictures of me (oh darn). The pictures I do have look like this:

So instead, I'm going to provide a glimpse at my life as seen through the purchase recommendations I receive from the likes of Amazon, Groupon, etc.

Recommendation #1) The Little Mermaid (Two-Disc Platinum Edition) courtesy of Amazon. Fun fact about me, I really enjoy classic Disney movies and have been gathering DVDs for my collection. In this case however, I did not spring for the DVD....I'm not willing to pay $36 even if it is a special edition.

Recommendation #2) Catit Design Sense Grass Garden Kit . I have cats. Sometimes I buy them dumb stuff, Amazon knows it, and they're doing a great job getting me to buy even more. 

Recommendation #3) Pelikan 12 Color Opaque Watercolor Set courtesy of Amazon. No I have not taken up painting in my spare time. I wasn't actually sure why this was recommended but Amazon has this handy "Why recommended?" button, so I clicked on it and discovered that when you buy a popular psychology/self-improvement book, you must also be interested in painting. 

Recommendation #4) The Abolition of Man by C.S. Lewis courtesy of Amazon. I'd like to say I've been doing some philosophical/intellectual reading as of late but I haven't. I had the best of intentions when I bought five other C.S. Lewis books but I keep going back to books like The Da Vinci Code and Bossypants. 

Recommendation #5) Carpet cleaning courtesy of Groupon. They recommended this to me because I had purchased a Groupon for carpet cleaning in the past. You would think, since I already had my carpet cleaned, I wouldn't need another one...but you would be wrong. I have a cat with what I affectionately call "separation anxiety" but in actuality is probably just an issue of laziness. Whenever I am upstairs this cat refuses to go downstairs to use the litter box. Instead he chooses to use my sock drawer or my suitcase or just some corner of the carpet. So I need my carpets cleaned, again. 

Recommendation #6) Love courtesy of eHarmony, Match, ChristianMingle, and more! I dabbled in online dating but am currently on hiatus...what's astonishing is how many matches they suddenly have for me. Apparently by not participating in online dating, you become irresistible to online daters. If I'd known this I would have quit months ago. 

Consider yourself up-to-date. I like movies designed for young children but am too cheap to pay for platinum editions. I have cats. I buy self-help books and apparently ought to take up painting, or some other similar hobby. I read bourgeois books but aspire to greater literature choices. My carpets need to be cleaned because my cat won't leave my side. And finally....what you didn't need me to tell you, I am missing out on having that special someone in my life. 

If you're thinking about what Christmas present to get me I would be happy to send you the rest of my Amazon recommendations, they seem to be spot on.