My Aunts

I have heard the phrase, "Friends are the family you choose" a lot - and as I understand it, this means something like: Thank goodness I can choose my own friends so I'm not stuck with these weirdos I happen to be related to. I thought that a lot more than I care to admit, until I grew out of my teenage years and became the fully enlightened, mature, and humbled adult I am today. Friends are great, but if hadn't been "stuck" with the family I have, I probably never would have chosen most of the best people I know. Specifically I'm talking about a few of my aunts.*

 Anna:

• When I was 8 years old Anna and my aunt Sarah (my mom's sister who is the same age) took me on my first sleepover adventure. They took me to Hires for a hamburger, so even if the evening had stopped right there, I would have felt like I'd died and gone to Heaven. But we also went bowling, where we all had fun bowling names (I think mine was something like Bacon Bowling Babe?), and then we went toilet-papering with all their friends. We were caught, but one of their boyfriends helped me hide in the grass so we didn't have to help clean up. That was the greatest night of my life to that point, and still the best sleepover I ever had. 
• Anna taught me to play Nerts well enough to beat mere mortals, even so I sometimes think I'm pretty good. But I'm not good enough to beat Anna, the aunt we lovingly refer to as the "Nerts Nazi." Despite the fact that she's really talented at Nerts, and almost everything else, she never feels the need to make other people feel bad. After a particularly painful loss in a family tournament she didn't feel the need to rub it in, but immediately acknowledged how close the game was and how well everyone did. 
• When I was in Elementary School people often told me that I looked like Anna, and I was always so proud to be associated with her. She probably one of the straightest-arrows I know, in the best way possible. She does the right things for the right reasons without making anyone else feel bad for doing things a different (usually less-right) way. 

Emmy:

• I visited her in Washington D.C. at age 9 and I still remember the roast beef dinner she made. 
• If you were in a room with Mother Theresa and Emmy, Emmy would be the first to express love and admiration. She has nothing but kind things to say and is always thrilled to see me. In fact, sometimes she seems so happy about the prospect of seeing me that I'm sure I can't live up to the hype. But she always makes me feel like I'm worth being excited about, regardless of how interesting and exciting I may actually be. Sometimes people who are really nice and positive can seem a little fake, but Emmy is always completely authentic. She's not just wearing rose-colored glasses or saying what people want to hear. She just focuses on the positive and doesn't seem to care about people's flaws, no matter how glaring they may be. 
• Emmy listens really well. She doesn't feel the need to jump into a conversation to get in her two-cents or share her own experiences. She listens intently to everyone, whether it's my six year-old cousin or my 91 year-old grandpa and engages with them in a way that makes them feel important. 

Katie:

• I've been to stay with Katie in Cincinnati two times and in both cases I have very vivid memories of the food she served. It wasn't that it was gourmet or fancy, but it was fresh and delicious and the way everyone gathered around to eat and enjoy made mealtimes so fun. 
• Katie is a consistently great conversationalist.  I remember going to a family gathering at my grandma's house one Sunday when I was in Elementary School and pulling up a chair to the grown-up table rather than going outside to play with my cousins, all so I could listen to the conversation because Katie was in town.  Since then I've enjoyed being part of so many conversations with Katie that lasted for hours, without having a clue of how much time is passing. In the long row of beach chairs at our annual family Newport trip, a spot to next to Katie is a coveted one because she doesn't just spew interesting conversation herself. She pulls interesting-ness out of everyone around her. Even the less-talkative ones in the group feel at ease and are drawn into conversation when Katie is around. 
• It's really common for conversations that revolve around people, and the most interesting conversations usually do, to turn into judgmental gossip sessions. However, Katie manages to talk about people's differences and difficulties in a way that is interesting but not judgmental. She is quick to compliment people on their strengths and clearly wants the best for everyone. 

Ruth:

• When I was young and my parents would go out of town periodically I always felt stressed and upset after a few days of being at home with a babysitter. My parents called Ruth several times to come rescue me for a few hours. She had her own kids at home and plenty of other responsibilities but she never made me feel like a burden and I was always completely thrilled just to be spending time with her and her family. During one of my parents' trips she even attended my 5th grade spelling bee. When I was eliminated on the word "sovereign" (still can't spell it without spellcheck), simply said, "Sovereign...what a stupid word," and turned what could have been an embarrassing incident into a really fond memory. 
• When I was 14 and in a terribly emotional argument with my dad about attending our Stake Youth Conference, I begged him to call Ruth because I just KNEW she would be on my side and understand why I shouldn't have to go. (I should note that my dad was pretty understanding of the fact that I was new to the Ward and hadn't been camping before and was really worried about having to live in the woods for three days with strangers.) My dad reached out to Ruth and she told both of us that she thought it was a good idea for me to go - and I felt totally betrayed. I sent her a dramatic email about how I was probably just going to run away and live in a park, since that couldn't be any worse than camping with strangers. Rather than rolling her eyes at my typical teenage behavior she apologized to me and sympathized with me and explained why she thought that doing hard things was important. I went to Youth Conference, and it was actually pretty awful, but I still appreciated the way Ruth treated me.
• Ruth and I go to dinner about once a month. I so look forward to those dinners because I know I can share anything with her and still come away feeling supported and loved. 

Due to the age differences and geographical spread, and the fact that I am generally just not on their level, I probably wouldn't have had a chance to make them my "chosen" family (friends), so I'm really grateful to be stuck with them. 

These women are the standard to which I aspire. Even at times where I lack self-respect or feel ashamed and unworthy of their gene pool, they have never even once made me feel less than loved and a part of their "in" crowd. They're fun and interesting, and I'm always better for having spent time with them. 


*If this post seems a little braggy and makes you jealous, that's because it is and if you don't have aunts like this you should be jealous.

David

Well...I miss David. Part of the issue could be that I've been bedridden all day with what I'm sure is the Black Plague, or at the very least severe and  deadly pneumonia. Being sickly and in bed could add to the depression I'm experiencing from last night's traumatic farewell, but David is the kind of guy who really leaves a hole when he's gone. 

David is, of course, not perfect in every way, but he's perfect in just about every way that matters. He's nice, and just plain caring. He always looks out for the underdog. 

He's smart, though in our family he maybe doesn't get as much credit for that as he deserves. He's fully, 100% committed to the gospel, not because he's supposed to be but because he truly believes at his core. Peer pressure doesn't affect him because he's confident in what he believes and who he is. He's sweet, and even though he is capable of losing his temper (only West child to ever be suspended from school), the guilt he feels afterwards makes it impossible to be upset with him. He's the best sibling in our family and has a positive, personal relationship with all five of the rest of us, and my parents. 

On that note, a more personal note, David has always made a real effort with me. I am single and live alone - I like my independence but sometimes I need help and David has always been there. He brought me a drill at 11:00pm when I was having serious issues replacing the lock on my front door. He came back the next night (20 minute drive one way) to help me lift a heavy package into my house. He accompanied me various places when I couldn't make myself go alone. Don't get me wrong, I bought him a lot of dinners to thank him. 

Something I can never really thank him for is how he always made me feel welcome within our family. My family is great, across the board, but sometimes I haven't been the most liked member, largely due to my own grumpiness or impatience. David never lets me get in the way of being part of the family, no matter how much I might resist. 

I could go on, believe it or not, but the bottom line is that David is just a guy you just want to have around. That's why not having him around for two years is really, really hard. For now I'll share him with the people he'll meet over the next two years because other people probably deserve to get to know him too. 

Last Valentine's Day

It's been approximately one year since my mom told me she had cancer. It was Valentine's Day and my mom had asked if I could meet her for lunch. Work was busy that day, so I couldn't. She then asked if I could go to dinner instead. I knew something was up then, my mom wouldn't be asking to go to dinner on a school night for four of my siblings when my dad was out of town.

Needless to say, finding a place for dinner last minute on valentine's day was not easy. The pickings were slim. We ended up just going to a place called the Gecko, I think. We walked in and found the clientele to be similar to Chuck-o-Rama before 5:30....lots of sweatpants and denchers.

I have no idea how the food was that night, it would take a lot for food to be memorable when you hear your mom say "I've got cancer, and oh by the way there's this brain tumor and spine issue".

A year later, I'm not sure my mom would consider the whole experience a blessing, and I probably wouldn't go that far either. But looking back, it was probably appropriate that I found out on Valentine's Day because the experience, for me, was a giant lesson in love. I am not a person who cries, except in cases of injury or rivalry game losses, but I was moved to tears several times because of the unbelievable outpouring of love we received from everyone imaginable. It was nothing short of incredible.

My Dad

As of yesterday, my dad is officially not the CEO for Control4 anymore. And while he's just moving to new role with the company, this was a bit of a milestone. I usually find him an easy target for criticism or jokes, everything from his lack of hair down to his Tevas-with-socks fashion choices, but this feels like a good opportunity to reflect on why I'm proud of my dad.

Until I was probably sixteen I didn't realize that most people considered 'work' a 9-to-5 deal. I always saw how hard he worked - he was working when I left for school in the morning, he was at work when I got home, sometimes we'd see him for dinner, and then he'd be working when I went to bed. And that's when he wasn't traveling. What I didn't really get to see, until I started working at the company three years ago, was what all that work produced. I am so proud of what he's been able to accomplish in his career, especially at Control4. The late nights, early mornings, and hours of travel aren't easy but I think the results speak for themselves.

In a busy work environment, it can be easy to lose sight of the human element. I've seen and heard plenty of examples...using an employee's lack of performance, an elevated title, or potential financial gain as an excuse to mistreat or disrespect people.  One of the things about my Dad that I am the most proud of is that he simply doesn't think that way. He has been successful without ignoring or forgetting the well-being of people around him. He is a successful businessman, but he is an honest, caring and good person first.

His commitment to his work has at some points caused him to miss out on family time, something that I used to remind him of constantly. Being the manipulative teenager I was, I would often remind him that he had missed something like six of my birthdays, especially when I thought I could get a laugh or use guilt to help me get something from him (never actually worked). But, when I was a Freshman in college, my dad was invited to speak to the Entrepeneurship club at my school.
I went to watch and to my surprise, he spent quite a bit of time talking about the impact his work had had on his family time. In fact, he even got choked up as he told everyone how he had missed six of my birthdays. Needless to say, I haven't brought up the birthday issue since. Despite the amount of time he's spent working over the years, none of my siblings, or my mom, or I have any doubt as to how important we are to him.


 I love my dad. He's passionate about Control4 and making it successful, he's put a lot of blood, sweat and tears into getting it to where it is and I'm so proud of him for that. He's a great example, a great human being, and a great dad.

My Favorite Things

A popular LDS hymn instructs us to 'count our blessings' when we are 'upon life's billows'. Psychologists tell us it is good for our mental health to contemplate the positives in life. Julie Andrews as Maria thinks of her favorite things when 'she's feeling sad' and then she doesn't 'feel so bad'. Bing Crosby (in White Christmas) suggests 'counting your blessings, instead of sheep' when falling asleep is difficult. And Oprah enjoy her blessings so much that she shares them with the entire country, and even gives them away for free on her show!

So maybe to get some spiritual energy, maybe for my mental health, maybe to lighten my mood, maybe because I can't fall asleep, but NOT because I am going to start giving things away... I decided to share some of my favorite things:

- Psycholocial egoism,  the idea that there are no such things as selfless acts. Altruism does not exist. People act primarily out of self-interest. It starts some GREAT debates/conversations. And it makes me feel smart.

-Sushi, I eat it at LEAST once a week. Raw tuna, raw eel, raw salmon, fish eggs, wasabi...I don't care! Just get it in my mouth! I've heard that when you're pregnant you aren't supposed to eat fish, especially tuna, raw or cooked. Trying to decide if a baby is worth that...thankfully that decision is a LOOOONG way off.

-Walking/sitting around Central Park in November, with a scarf, a hot Starbucks cup, a camera, and a good book for gaps in interesting people watching.

-Washing my feet. I do this every night. I think I picked it up from my dad - back when I was little I would always hear the water running when he was in the bathroom. For some reason I assumed that he was washing his feet. Later I found out that he used the water as a sound barrier to prevent unpleasant noises from within being heard by passers-by. But for some reason the feet-washing idea stuck with me.

-Reading great books. I just finished a FABULOUS book called The Help, an excellent and entertaining read. Before that I read The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society - possibly my all time favorite book. I find myself wishing I could catch up with the characters, find out what's going on in their lives...then I remember they're fake. Depressing. But this post is supposed to be positive, so hooray for good books.

-Winning. I LOVE to win, and thankfully I am a skilled game player so I win often. Turbo Scrabble, Scattergories, Nerts and California speed are some of my favorites. If there was a league for these games, I would join and I would dominate.

-Bowling. Normally a game which involves putting on pre-worn ugly shoes, touching a greasy ball which has probably been held by hundreds of people who had previously touched who-knows-what, and playing in something called an 'alley' would NOT appeal to any part of my personality. However, I was conditioned to enjoy bowling, before I was aware of the greasiness and the germs. I am very grateful for this fact and hope to join a bowling league when I have the time and/or money.

Not sure I feel more spiritual, more mentally sound, cheered up, and more tired...but there is a certain feeling of contentment that comes after reviewing the happy things in one's life. Plus it can't be wrong if it's in a hymn, from psychologists, Julie Andrews, Oprah AND Bing Crosby can it?

Be Still a Man

Life since Europe has been an absolute whirlwind of school and work (I thought this was a perfect representation of the uniqueness of being a Philosophy major at BYU - two books laying on my bookshelf - very different reads.) Anyway, it got to the point where I was barely sleeping...and when I was asleep I was dreaming of forgetting things at work or missing class and bothering my roommate by apparently snoring like a bear and mumbling to myself during the night. None of these things are signs indicating a restful night's sleep, or good mental health for that matter. Anyway, life was insanely busy so I decided to take this last weekend and chill for a little while by joining my family at Lake Powell.

I was looking forward to getting away from all the couples and relationship garbage that is thrown in our faces down in Provo, but, what was one of the first things I heard after arriving on the houseboat with my family? A girl that I used to babysit (she and her family were in Lake Powell with us) was telling people about her boyfriend of 8 months! Yikes, so much for that.

I was looking forward to getting some much needed sun - it was cloudy and too cold for a swimsuit most of the time.

I was looking forward to eating more balanced meals instead of the junk I have in my apartment. However, my two greatest food nemeses won out at Lake Powell - I basically lived on Cheetos and chocolate covered raisins, with a few glasses of chocolate milk thrown in for good measure.

I was looking forward to a few days without worrying about messing anything up - no stress or obligations or expectations to maintain. Well - the very first day I got roped into a game of California speed, the epitome of stressful, and managed to lose - killing what had been a 3-year winning streak in the game.

I was looking forward to being out of the reach of email, so I wouldn't have to think about work for a few days. However, whenever we went out into Padre Bay, my phone would randomly get service for seconds here and there...just enough time to download the emails to my phone with their subject lines and the first couple words of the email body - but not enough to show the whole email. So I kept looking at the emails, trying to figure out what they said, and wondering the whole time what was going on and what I was missing.

However, despite the fact that the trip didn't quite go as planned, it was marvelous. It was a great break from the stress of daily life, and it allowed me to re-evaluate my priorities. There were certainly some unexpected difficulties but I realized I hadn't spend that much time talking to and enjoy the company of people I really liked in what felt like forever. I realized I had checked out of a lot of things that were really important to get too involved in work, and especially school. I think this idea is best summed up in something I read from David Hume, he was speaking about and to Philosophers specifically, but I think it applies to any profession or preoccupation that gets in the way of what's important. "Be a philosopher, but amidst all your philosophy, be still a man." So that is my plan...to be still a human being, amidst school, work, school and work...and more school and more work.

Giving Thanks at Thanksgiving

As the most thankful of Thursdays approaches, I need to write the obligatory ‘What-I’m-Grateful-For’ post. I, like most people, have many things to be grateful for. I am hesitant to list them for fear of appearing unthankful for all the things I forget. I could say I am grateful on this day for Utah football, and believe me I am. I could say I am grateful for the opportunity to go to Cancun with my family (more on this in the coming days), and I am. I could say I am grateful for my family and friends, and I am. But today I am going to talk about how grateful I am for my roommates.

I am sitting on a plane on my way to Cancun and I keep thinking of everything I'm missing in Provo, and am kind of bummed I won’t see Ainsley, Becky, Brandi, Sally, or Whitney for a week. Lest you think I am a pathetic zoobie who’d rather be in Provo than Cancun, let me explain a little bit about each of them and maybe you’ll understand.

Ainsley is the mother of the apartment. She cooks for us regularly, and at least in my case, is always making sure homework gets done. Every Monday and Wednesday I come home to an empty apartment as everyone else is either in class or at work, but without fail the silence is broken by the sound of the dishwasher going. Why? Because Ainsley is the first one to get back from class and she ALWAYS does the dishes before heading off to work. She is tentatively majoring in Accounting but she does not have the hideously boring personality that typically accompanies Accountants. She’s just good with numbers, she has a gift and might as well take advantage of it before she pursues her real dream of going to Culinary School. She is Mary Poppins-like in that she is practically perfect in every way. It's a little annoying sometimes, having a perfect friend, but it's who she is and we've accepted it. I go to Ainsley when I need someone to roll their eyes at me and tell me to get back to work.

Becky is the decorator of our apartment. I have to admit that I was not that excited about going to live in Provo until I walked into our place for the first time. Becky made it feel like a home and I actually couldn’t wait to move in. One of the most endearing things about Becky is her laugh. It’s sort of difficult to describe, she laughs with her whole body, almost uncontrollably, and it’s almost impossible not to laugh once Becky gets going. I also enjoy the fact that she will laugh at almost anything and so she makes me feel like a top-of-the-line comedian…it’s good for my ego. Becky also provides us with a surprise in our living room on occasion, his name is Hunter. It’s happened several times that we’ve come out to find the two of them asleep on the couch, exactly where they were the night before. He’s a nice guy though, so we don’t mind too much. Besides, it’s kind of exciting waking up not knowing who may be sleeping on your couch…like living in some sort of youth hostile. I go to Becky when I want to rant and rave about Grey’s Anatomy. We share a passion for all things Grey’s.

Brandi is the athlete of the apartment. She is on the BYU lacrosse team and loves almost all athletic activities. She was very patient and taught me how to throw and catch with a lacrosse stick, she played with me for almost three hours. By the end I could actually catch and throw, but she had to put up with a lot of waiting around while I chased the ball and I think I even gave her a bruise due to my inability to aim. Brandi has boys galore but she doesn’t get carried away by the whole thing. She sees no conflict in having different boys for different geographic regions, in fact I think she prefers it that way. It’s less complicated. Brandi goes to bed early, by eleven every night, a fact which amazes us all. She is very insistent on getting her sleep, and for some reason doesn’t think sleeping until noon on the days she doesn’t have class is the right way to go. This I do not understand. I go to Brandi when I want some down-to-earth and practical perspective. She is always cool-headed and doesn’t get carried away with the ups and downs of every day life.

Sally is the one roommate we didn’t go to high school with, and we were a little worried about who we’d get stuck with. However, we all feel like we lucked out. She’s hard to describe, she’s got a lot of uh, spunk and is not afraid to say what she thinks. This is also good for my ego I think, although in a less pleasant and more humbling way. She is up until the early morning hours doing one of two things…studying or partying, hard. Sally is a Nutrition major and thus is in lots of science-type classes that would make me want to kill myself. She has a friend, Kristina who comes around fairly frequently, another one who may be sleeping on our couch when we wake up. Sally likes to share, she shares my bed, my lamp, my food, my pens, whatever she needs. It’s a little unnerving when I walk into my room and find her already occupying it but I guess it’s good, she’s helping me learn to share. I go to Sally when I need to pick a fight. She always wins when we argue, that’s probably because she’s louder than I am and all the other roommates think it’s funny to jump in on her side. I also go to Sally when I need a good laugh, she’s always good for a witty comment or at the very least a well-placed swear word.

Whitney is the social coordinator of the apartment. I don’t think there is one new person I’ve met that hasn’t been a result of her bringing them to the apartment. I guess that makes me kind of a recluse who won’t go out and proactively meet people, which makes me even more grateful for Whitney. She is also very studious, but has a bit of hard time choosing studying over sociality. She’s been given the nickname ‘Distracted’ due to her inability to concentrate on homework when people are having fun somewhere. I cannot count the number of times we’ve been sitting in the living room just talking when we’ll hear the disembodied voice of Whitney jumping into the conversation from down the hall where she is supposedly studying. She always manages to get her work done though, in fact she is one of the hardest workers I know. I’m pretty sure she never slept over the summer as she was insanely busy working two jobs and picking up overtime shifts in the middle of the night. I go to Whitney when I need a break from studying or sleeping and just need someone to talk to about whatever because she is a good listener and easy to distract from whatever she happens to be working on.

These are the people that I go home to, and I am thankful that I have the privilege of living with every one of them.

Birthday Reflections

The best part of birthdays is being reminded of all the great people in your life. Today I am grateful for these people, but somehow I never seem to be able to express this, or at least not to the extent I would like. To put it more eloquently and philosophically, "Compared with that good-will I bear my friend, the benefit it is in my power to render him seems small." (Emerson) Thanks everyone for making today a fabulous birthday.

Now here are some pictures from the the celebration of my two decades. (I am aware that 20 is not old, but being able to measure my age in decades makes me feel old. Not complaining though, I'm very happy to be officially out of the teenage years.)

Here are four of my five roommates out for dinner at CPK: Ainsley, Sally, Whitney, and Becky.

This is the fabulous hamburger cake made by Ainsley, enjoyed and admired by all. I wanted to have a giant hamburger that looked like a cake, but that wasn't really doable so Ainsley made this for me instead. The most important thing? It was delicious.


And here are some people who came to eat the cake






Thanks to all, apologies to those who were not included in the blog pictures. You are still appreciated.